What *is* love, anyway? For those of you who haven't read any of these essays yet, let me introduce myself. I'm crysaliq on the net.. crys for short. If ya want my real name.. email me :) I've been netting since 89.. so I know my way around purty well. I still have lots I can learn.. but I know that I'm not as ignorant as I once was. And this includes regarding the most powerful force in the universe (and for your physicists out there.. it's not a black hole, nor is it the strong nuclear force). What is it you may wonder? Well.. as you can guess from the title of this essay.. it's gotta be love. Ok.. a few of you are staring at me in disbelief. A bunch of you are thinking, "Love doesn't exist." And well.. in today's world.. who could blame you for your answer. After all.. thousands of children die from abortions each year.. people die of hunger.. people mistreat others on account of the color of their skin.. and everyone says they're in the right for doing what they do. So how could there be love? Yeah... I know where you're coming from. I have had my doubts about it too.. I've been through some rather tough times myself. If you feel like checking some of them out.. my life story is also on this webpage (it's on the 'me' link). If you wanna get a good idea of who I am.. that's a good place to look -- but be forewarned.. it's long. :) Anyway.. back to love. Who's to say that it really exists anyway? I mean.. with all the pain and hatred in the world, how could there be love? Well.. I'm betting that your own desires for "true love" (romantic or not) are clouding your visual sensors.. because there *is* love out there. However.. there is no person in today's world who can give you the perfect love you're after. Some of you may be saying, "Ok.. I never said I wanted perfect love.. but just true love.." What's the difference? Well.. read on and we'll explore this. True love is one of the most poorly defined ideas in today's world. This is one of the reasons we have such a screwed up world -- because people are either fed up with trying to find it.. and give into letting their pain rule their thinking.. or.. they have been told that love is something which it is not.. and thus get really disappointed when what they thought was love just doesn't seem to last. I'm writing this to tell you that love *does* exist.. and that you *can* find it. However.. don't expect the search to be as easy as finding what this world/society calls love. Love, wordwise, has been cheapened by many things in history.. but most especially today. People in today's society are taught that love is merely something you feel about someone -- some exhillerating zippedidodah that goes on between you and someone else. We see it in all the movies.. we are told that if Mr. Smith loves Miss Candy then they oughta have sex. And of course, this translates into the idea that, "If it feels good, do it." Man if that idiom hasn't found its way into every corner of society. Everyone wants to do things that feel good. Nobody wants to do what feels bad. And this area (the Pacific Northwest to be precise) is one of the worst in the country when it comes to this notion. Why you may ask? It's simple.. We up here in the PNW have found it rather easy to live up here.. at least as far as nature goes. We seldom get flooding.. or really hot weather.. or long deep snows.. or low freezes.. or most anything really huge disaster-wise. We live in what's called a "temperate rainforest". And when I say temperate.. I mean "easy to take". We have it easy because of the way the earth is currently acting upon itself. And God forbid that we should have it hard.. I mean.. after all.. pain is bad, isn't it? This is the parallel to the previous statement. If a person is to do only that which feels good.. or to consider that "that which feels good *is* good.." then it is a natural conclusion that "what feels bad is bad." So if you have to do something which requires any sort of discomfort.. for any period of time.. it's *must* be bad. Makes sense, don't it? Blah.. fooey. I can't stand it. But I've lived by it quite a bit myself. I hate to do that which makes me feel uncomfortable.. and I love to do that which makes me feel pleasure. Of course.. there's one teency weency problem with this philosophy -- it doesn't work. Ok.. now.. some of you might be expecting that I'd go off into some spiritual ramification legitimization right now.. pointing to God and saying that He wants things a certain way so we should just accept it. But no.. I'm going to let you do all the pointing.. I'm just here to open a few blinds. First off.. "If it feels good do it" can easily be proven to be dangerous in the wrong hands. After all.. take a look at a child molester.. don't you think he *enjoys* what he does? And according to this philosophy.. he should keep on doing it.. cuz it feels good! Now.. let me take this a step further. Have you ever had a huge ice cream sundae on a really hot day? It tastes exquisite.. and it does a great job of cooling you off.. right? Well.. suppose, as in The Princess Bride, someone put some iocane powder into your ice cream (For those of you who don't know the movie.. iocane powder was labeled an extremely potent poison). Would you be able to taste it? Of course not! The ice cream would still taste good.. right? It'd taste just the same as before.. no harm done.. no problems.. you still get cooled off.. it still tastes great.. except.. when you're done.. you lay your spoon down and keel over. Death by poison. But it felt good!!! Now.. I don't think any of you would want to eat poison.. but many of us do. Whether we believe it or not.. the entire world around us is filled with poisons.. but they're not in what we eat -- they're in what we do. And these poisons do the exact same thing that the iocane did in the previous example.. they kill us. But.. wait a minute.. aren't we still alive? This is something that might not make sense at first.. but.. heregoes. A person, as most people agree, has two main parts to his intangible being -- a spirit, and a soul. Now.. due to a poison that was introduced into the gene pool at the very beginning.. virtually everyone on earth is born 'dead'. Not dead in the soul.. but dead in the spirit. If you wanna read about it.. check out the first few chapters of Genesis. Now.. let me take another route. A lot of us easily agree with the idea that hard work is not bad. Matter of fact.. the man who said, "God is dead" also said, "That which does not kill me shall only make me stronger." So.. are we to regard the man's quotes as completely perfect just because one makes sense? That's like letting someone perform brain surgery on you just because he knows what part of your body your head is. I agree wholeheartedly in the fact that hard work and difficulty are often pathways to becoming a stronger person.. however, I will allow the future to pave the way past statements of fiction like the first. So.. here's the question. If not all hard work is good.. and not all things that taste good are good for us.. who is to say that love always feels good? Think about that a moment. Love is definitely a powerful force.. and often requires of us more than simply "letting it happen".. though many ppl believe that true love just *happens*... the fact is, love is not something that always feels good. Matter of fact.. love is something that, often, feels very unpleasant. Ok.. some of you romantics out there are probably balking at this one. I mean.. how could the most powerful force in the world be unpleasant? Well.. take a look at the question I just posed.. think about the idea of an unpleasant force.. you might not catch the discrepancy right away.. but.. the problem is.. most people do not consider love a force.. but rather, a feeling -- something we share with those who also love us. Well.. I'm awfully sorry.. but.. if love were only a feeling.. it couldn't move the mountains it's able to. This is one of the big problems today.. Many people are taught that "you'll know when it's love" or "it feels like nothing else".. or like statements.. but really.. true love *is* visible.. but.. it's not as quick to distinguish from false love.. that is.. if you still have the blinders you were born with. Now.. when I say blinders.. I mean ignorance. All of us, of course, grow from a place of ignorance to a place of knowledge. Yet.. in this world of confusion.. it's often the case that the knoweldge we get in our pursuit of the truth is rather, if not altogether faulty. And in a world where people marry and divorce lickety split.. it's no surprise that one of those areas that we are not taught well of is "love". And with love being such an important force in the world.. without a true understanding of what love is, one can't truly begin to understand the world... or virtually anything of importance in it. Science will come and go.. businesses grow and decline.. and food makes its way for new sustenance every day.. but love is present in every facet of life.. for all of life is made up of one thing -- relationships... and all relationships are based on the presence of one thing -- love. So where are we to find what love really is? For those of you who aren't willing to acknowledge the idea that love may be uncomfortable.. you might wanna look up the word "hedonism" and see what it is. And note.. that hedonistic societies all end up falling into ruin (check world history.. it ain't a liar). For those of you who realize that love *might* include difficulty.. I give this simple answer... Look inside. Ok.. everyone knows the golden rule -- do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But have you ever really taken that phrase apart? Like this: Would you run across 5 lanes of traffic to save a baby from being crushed on the other side? Most of us would probably say "yes".. but here's the kicker.. what if you got hit in the process? Some of us would still do it.. cuz we would value the baby's life beyond our own -- especially if it's our kid. So where does love figure into this? Those of you who would be willing to get mamed.. or even killed.. to save that baby's life.. are showing love. Those of you who would stay on your side of the traffic are also showing love -- but it's more self-focussed. You see.. love is something you do unto another person. It's when you act in such a way as to get someone more than they had in the first place. Now.. let me repeat. Love is when you act in such a way as to get someone more than they had in the first place. I do not necessarily mean more money.. or possessions.. though at times this could also be included.. I mean more.. period. More of a chance at life.. more of a chance at getting through school.. more of a chance of passing a test.. etc.. simply.. more of something. Note.. I do not mention feelings here.. I refuse to because love is not about feelings. Real love.. is when you do something good for someone.. regardless of how it makes you feel. And real love does not need to be retured. It is nice when it is.. but there is no law that says it must be. All people have their free will choice to disregard others and not show love back. And many do. So where does this put us? We now have a definition of real love... but what about true love? and perfect love? Well.. true love is simply one step up from real love. True love is when you show real love.. to the extent that you are willing to go through any pain or hardship in order to get someone more. And perfect love? Well.. that's the final step.. this is when you are always willing to do whatever it takes to get someone whatever is best.. regardless of the pain you might encounter along the way. Again.. no mention of feelings.. cuz they aren't guaranteed. Now.. I must mention feelings.. cuz they are so often a *part* of what we experience when we do show love to someone. Often.. we feel good when someone shows love to us.. because they chose to do soemthing for us. This feeling is often misinterpreted to be love, itself. To feel good simply because of what someone did for us. Unfortunately.. this can degenerate into something as small as just existing. For those who have been blessed with very attractive bodies.. or those who have simply worked to keep them so.. this is what happens often. These "good looking" individuals make a lot of people "feel good" simply by existing. They are blessed with an appearance that automatically makes someone "feel good" when they are around. And depending on how they work with that appearance.. this "good feeling" can be gentle.. or very pronounced. And this is one of the reasons so many marriages fail. You see.. many marriages begin based on the two circumstances mentioned in the above paragraph. People get together because they "like" how each other looks... or they "like" how they feel around each other. But marriage is about more than just an "I like you." Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for life. That's right.. commitment. Unfortunately in today's society.. commitment seems to have become a four-letter-word. Because whenever we "feel" like we don't "love" a person anymore.. we feel justified in ending the relationship -- this is what the movies.. the tv.. and the society is teaching to every one regardless of their age.. that once you no longer "feel in love" with a person.. you have every right to end the relationship. I'm sorry.. but these people who do this are, at least, misinformed as to the reality of what love is. As I said above.. marriage is about commitment. The words "for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health".. are there for a reason -- they're there to remind us that we are to stand by our mate regardless of how bad the situation gets. Well.. almost. I myself would not advocate remaining with a spouse who is continually abusing you.. but.. know this.. that unless your spouse cheats on you sexually.. it is God's requirement that.. if you do divorce.. you must remain single. Now.. about that. Don't listen to a pastor that tells you otherwise.. he's wrong. I don't care how many degrees he has or how many years he's been preaching. Anyone can get a worldly degree these days.. you just have to go to the right church and whammo.. you're in. But if you want it straight.. check out the Bible.. and it'll tell you what the requirements are for divorce and remarriage. And if they don't add up to what I just said, I'll finance your next wedding. Unfortunately.. in today's society.. far too many people are saying that "this is right" and "that is right".. without any standard to say what is truly right. And with the 1st amendment worded as it is, it becomes easy to see how life in the U.S. has degenerated from the Biblical statues it was founded upon into the chaos that runs it today. The Bible is probably the best place to find a definition of love. Except.. it's not the type of definition that simply sits there like in a Webster's dictionary. Instead, the book is loaded with examples of what love is, and what love isn't. And once you learn to tell the difference (which isn't hard) you begin to get an idea of just how to measure if someone is loving or not. So.. where does this leave us? We are in a society that is starved for passion.. hungry for anything that tastes good.. and hateful of that which in any way limits its freedoms. Of course.. if you study societies.. you can easily see that loss of freedom is a requirement if one desires to live with others. As a matter of fact.. true freedom is freedom to do that which is right.. while not being impeded from doing so. It is not the right to do whatever we want.. regardless of who objects. Unfortunately.. due to the continual screw-up of our language as made by society en total.. many will go on leaning on feelings as their source of security. If they aren't feeling good enuf in a relationship.. or job.. or what have you.. they'll end it... and go and find something else. But.. as integrity will continue to show.. as it always has.. true living is about giving.. and true love is about giving one's life for someone else. Someone once said that there was no greater love than this. He's my boss.. I'll introduce you if you're interested. Btw.. thanx for reading this far. I hope you got something out of it. :) Take care, and remember.. to feel good.. isn't always good.. to feel bad.. isn't always bad.. to feel love.. is an error in wording.. it should be.. to feel loved.